Infinitely Bad
by MegaBig Fish
Summary: Tony Stark is all alone with his Google Home. He comes up with a brilliant idea.
1. Chapter 1

"What did it cost?" — Gamora

* * *

Tony Stark walked around his overly spacious New York apartment. No one else was here except for him and his thoughts. Everyone else was either dead or mourning.

"Ok Google," Tony said and his Google Home beeped in response, waiting a command. "What are the infinity stones?"

Google's loading circle stopped. "The infinity stones are... stones."

Tony groaned in response. "Oh my f**king God, I know that! Ok Google," "Beep." "What are the infinity stone's names?"

"The five infinity stones are... Space... continue reading on your personal Google account."

Tony yelled, "God dammit VALIS! Why did you have to become some weird animorph and DIE?!" Google Home was not nearly as helpful as his weird A.I. Friend. He added returning the Google Home back to Amazon in between saving the world and getting married.

"Wait... Space?" Tony realized. "What color is the space stone?" No response.

"Ok Google." "Beep." "What color is the space stone?"

Google's loading circle took no time at all. "Blue."

"BRAINBLAST!" Tony exclaimed as a brilliant idea came to his mind. We could trick Thanos by pretending that we have the Space stone! How? Tony Stark knew just the man he can call.

"Ok Google" "Beep" "Call Walter White."

* * *

Albuquerque, NM.

"F**k you... b*tch."

Walter White watched his somewhat loyal friend Jesse Pinkman disintegrate into ash. "Oh well."

Suddenly, his phone began vibrating. "Tony Stark? I haven't sold that guy meth in years." Begrudgingly, he answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Walter! I need your purest blue crystal!"

"What?! Why? Please tell me you're off the stuff."

"Whatever, just answer the question!"

"Uh," Walter said, "I asked you?"

"Oh right. Well, uh, I'll fly out to you. Maybe we should do this in person."

"Ok. Bye."

Walter sighed. His day has been immensely confusing.

"Well?" A voice boomed.

"Thanos, Tony is coming."

"Oh sh*t..." Thanos replied.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'll do you one better" – Drax

* * *

"What the hell do we do, Thanos?" Walter asked.

"I don't know! I didn't plan ahead!"

"ARGHNGHNNGH!" Walter yelled. Why is he always surrounded by stupid?

Thanos twiddled his huge thumbs in the corner for a long awkward pause. Walter just stared at him. Then his phone rang.

"Argh…" He answered it. "What do you want, Hank?"

"Hey Walt, me and Marie are having a little party at our house right now. You and Skyler are welcome to join."

"Why the hell are you throwing a party right now? About half of the world's population is dead."

Thanos high-fives himself in the corner.

"That's why! There's a good chance that a lot of people who died were drug dealers which means… my life is easier!" Hank laughed.

"Hank… You do realize that the sudden deaths of loved ones may cause people to turn to drugs to distract themselves of the pain. In fact, there may be a surge of drug dealers who are going to take advantage of other people's misery!"

"BYOB." Hank said before he hung up. Walter groaned. Why is he always surrounded by stupid?

"So… uh… Are you going to go to the party?" Thanos asked.

"No."

"Then… Can I go?"

Thanos twiddled his thumbs for the long awkward pause.

"Sure… Just leave before Tony gets here."

Thanos dashed for the door. Walter sighed, as he could finally get a minute alone.

"BOOM."

Walter looked up. Tony destroyed his ceiling and was making his way to the ground.

"MY LAB! Why couldn't you just use the front door like everyone else?!"

"Walter, let me ask you something. Did half of the world's population die, or did half of the world's doors die? Because, uh, it's pretty easy to see how many f***king doors there are!"

Walter began to cry. Why is he always surrounded by stupid?


	3. Chapter 3

"Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of the wizards." – Tony Stark

* * *

Thanos pushed the doorbell at the Schrader residence.

Marie opened the door. Marie swiftly closed the door. "Hank, there's a large purple man here."

"Oh, it's probably the Barney guy I called to entertain the kids."

"Hank, we don't have kids."

"Oh… Right." Hank made his way to the door and opened it. Hank swiftly closed the door halfway. "Who are you?"

"It's… uh… Me, Walt… er?" Thanos stuttered. He did not plan this far ahead.

"WALT?! Oh my god, you're even uglier than before! Still bald too!" Hank exclaimed, slightly laughing.

Thanos tried not to cry in front of the strangers who kept closing the door on his face.

"Hank, that is not nice," Marie intervened. "Also, I love the new shade of purple you are now, Walter."

Thanos grinned. "I brought Budweiser and Shiner."

"Oh god, Walt. No one's gonna drink that." Hank groaned.

* * *

Tony and Walter walked up to the counter at Jamba Juice. There was only one employee in the whole store.

"Uh yeah, I'll have a large strawberry surf rider, and he'll have a uh…" Tony looked over at Walter.

"Oh. Uh, I guess I'll have a small mango-a-go-go?" He replied.

"Dude, just get a large." Tony said.

Walter looked at the anxious employee. "Ugh, ok, I'll get a large."

"Well… It is Thirsty Thursday, so you can get a free upgrade to a large if you originally ordered a medium." The employee responded.

Walter grimaced. He didn't even want the large. "Yeah, fine, I'll order it as a medium to upgrade it to the large for free."

"Ok, I'll have the order right out for you." She said.

Walter and Tony sat at the table with the least amount of ash on it. "So, what did you want, Tony?"

"Oh yeah. Well, Thanos won, and I'm sh*t out of luck. Half of the world's population is dead, and I don't know if that means that there's less dogs in the world. Oh yeah, and some people think Thanos is a good guy, but if he killed dogs, I can't support that sh*t. Also, I was thinking of tricking Thanos with a fake space stone because it's blue, and uh…" Tony looked around the store. "What is taking so long?"

"Tony, she's the only employee in the store right now. She probably saw the rest of her coworkers just turn into ash like an hour ago, and you're complaining that she can't give us our juice in two minutes? … I don't know why she's even still at work."

"Yeah."

Walter stared at him.

"Anyways, your meth is super blue. Maybe that Grimance-looking trashbag will believe that we have the real stone if we use some of your meth."

"But… Thanos already has the stone? Actually, didn't it get destroyed?"

Tony stared at him.

"I have a large strawberry surf-rider and a large mango-a-go-go for Tony Strak."

Walter and Tony both looked at her, "Strak?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Only if I die." – Thor

* * *

Tony and Walter made their way back to Walter's lab. Tony was slurping on his smoothie rather loudly, and Walter's frown just grew deeper with each sloppy slurp.

Walter opened the unharmed door. Tony glared at the door as he made his way inside.

"Ok Walter, show me your purest, bluest methy."

Walter groaned. "Look, I've only been able to make it to about 96% pure, and I sold the last batch of that literally 30 minutes before all of this sh*t happened. I'd need to make more."

"Who'd you sell it to?"

"It doesn't matter." Walter looked to the side.

"Alright cool, don't tell me. I don't care." Tony obviously cared. "How long does it take for you to make a new batch?"

"Well… my assistant died. My lab is partially destroyed. So… maybe like a day and a half?"

"What if I helped? And I had all my extra science stuff to help?"

"Then maybe like an hour."

"HELL YEAH."

* * *

Thanos walked into the Schrader's living room. This was his first human party, and so far, he couldn't be more impressed. There was ambient country music playing in the background, couples bickering, and a lot of beer and barbeque. However, Thanos brought his oversized thumb and index finger to his face. This party was missing something, and he knew what would lighten it up.

"WOO! Who's ready to party?! I bought meth!" He yelled, bringing little plastic baggies filled with blue crystals to his face.

"WALT. You brought meth to my party?!" Hank yelled.

"Hell yeah, I did. I make a lot of this stuff." Thanos said, not realizing that it was Walter's hidden secret.

There was a long awkward silence as everyone stared at Thanos. Suddenly, Hank started laughing uproariously.

"Oh gosh, Walt. You really had me there for a second." He said, out of breath from all the laughing.

"LET'S DO THIS!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Thank you, sweet rabbit." - Thor

* * *

Everyone silently stared as Thanos ate the plastic baggie full of meth.

"I don't think that's how he's supposed to do that." Marie mumbled.

"Goddammit, Marie! Stop being so judgmental!" Hank snapped.

Thanos didn't feel a thing which was a letdown. He then proceeded to eat two more plastic baggies full of meth.

"I really don't think that's how he's supposed to do that." Marie said a little louder.

Hank just stared.

Then the doorbell rang.

Hank and Marie side-eyed each other as they made their way to the door. It was Skyler and Walt Jr. "Holy shit," Hank muttered. "Uh, Skyler… I don't think Walt's feeling too good."

"Walt's here?" Skyler looked frustrated. "He wasn't answering my texts all damn day. Goddammit." She started to make her way in. Hank and Marie unintentionally blocked her way through the door.

"Uh guys? I promise you that I'm not going to make that big of a scene." She grumbled.

"No, no, we know that." Marie looked down. "It's just uh… I don't even know how to tell you."

Skyler just ignored that and walked through them. She saw a big purple man in a skin-tight suit staring at the purple carpet. "What the f*** is that?!"

"W-Walt?" Hank begrudgingly answered.

"Walt." Skyler repeated.

Thanos felt too much all at once. It was a high that even destroying half of the universe didn't give him. He started to analyze the new people who entered the room. "Who are they?" he said, feeling as if he asked the question a thousand times in a second.

"Walt, it's Skyler and Walt Jr. Your… uh… wife and son." Hank answered.

"Holy sh*t," Thanos said softly. He had a family again. He had a beautiful wife and beautiful son. Thanos shed a tear. Was this… love? Thanos hadn't felt love for almost a day, and he was so overwhelmed with emotion. He approached Walt Jr.

"You're so beautiful, my son." He caressed Walt Jr.'s head. He felt for Walt Jr.'s arms. "You are too weak though, I must train you. Do you have any experience in combat? A preferred weapon?"

Walt Jr. was trying not to show discomfort in front of his new dad. "Uh… I like nun chucks."

Thanos started to giggle. "We need to go to spaceeeeeeeee. I need to take you to this really cool snowy mountaintop. I want a new stone."

Walt Jr. started to laugh at his new dad's stupidity. "No, I mean like, for real." Thanos said. "I want a new goddamn stone."


End file.
